...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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