Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
