plz talk dirty to me
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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