I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
