Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
