Your mouth is God's brothel.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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