Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My pussy is not your playground.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
