The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
