Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
