i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
