I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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