Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
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