thus making me awesome and them whores
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
