Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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