I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
