You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
