I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
