this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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