Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
