If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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