so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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