Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
