Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
