Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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