I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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