Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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