So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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