Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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