my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
