This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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