Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
