Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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