Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
