hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
