There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
