my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
