I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I didn't notice because vodka
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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