they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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