i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
