booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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