is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
