hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
