fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
