Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
