Define "chronic" masturbator.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
