Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
