She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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