i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
