I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
