dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
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